Pink Elephants
by Phoenixasending
Summary: Oneshot StarWarsFinal Destination. The Exile has a premonition of Death stalking the crew of the Ebon Hawk. And also pink elephants. Cowritten with my friend, angstacular.


A/N: This is a deranged biproduct of my attempt at a serious Kotor 2 angst fic. That fic is still in the making, this one is not to be taken seriously under any circumstances. I repeat, this is random crap only for cheap chuckles. You've been warned :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Kotor, much to my deep dissapointment. I also do not own South Park or Final Destination or pretty much anything in this fic.

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Pink Elephants**

"Atton!" Kira cried, clutching at his sleeve. "We have to get off the Ebon Hawk or we're all going to die!"

Atton stared at her dumbfounded, "Kira, you're cracked."

"No Atton, I'm serious! I saw it in a special force vision. Jedi Vision (TM)! TM Atton!"

Atton was beginning to wonder about the exile's sanity when he noticed Mira over Kira's shoulder.

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

Kira opened her mouth to speak and found her voice suddenly muffled by Atton's hand. "Kira thinks we need to get off the ship."

"Why," the bounty hunter asked confused.

"I had a vision!" Kira yelled.

"TM," Atton mumbled under his breath.

"Everyone who stays on this ship is going to die!" For a moment Kira looked perplexed, "and then the pink elephants came in."

"Has she been chewing spice?" Mira asked Atton.

"If she is then I want what she's having."

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

"Or maybe not," Atton amended.

Mira's brow wrinkled as she tried to puzzle out this conversation. "So if we stay on the Hawk are we going to die or turn into pink elephants."

Atton dropped his head into his hands. "Gods I need Juma."

"What is going on here, fool?" Kreia's raspy voice came in from the increasingly crowded cockpit.

"I had a vision, Kreia!"

"TM," Atton and Mira added.

"The _Ebon Hawk _is going to blow up! If we stay on it we'll all die!" Atton couldn't see the old woman's eyes under her hood but he was willing to bet they were rolling.

"Who let The Exile into the spice?" She demanded angrily. Atton could see Boa Dur, Visas and Mical crowding into the outer corridor, drawn by the commotion.

"What's going on here?" Mical asked.

"I HAD A VISON!" The exile screamed, flecks of foam flying from her perfect coral lips.

"TM." Atton, Mira and Kreia, all chorused together.

Behind Mical, Mandalore and the droids gathered, disturbed by Kira's screaming and attentively listening to the now crazed ex-jedi.

"If we don't get off this ship right now it will explode and all of us will die in flames and pain and pink elephants!" Behind his helmet Mandalore snickered and HK cocked his red chromed head to one side.

"Query: Has master been ingesting handfuls of spice again?"

"Apparently," Atton muttered, then cleared his throat loudly drawing everyone's attention to him as Kira paused for breath and more spice.

"Since Kira seems so worked up about this I don't see why we can't all straighten this outside. Is everyone Ok with that?"

The crew all nodded and a few minutes later everyone was assembled outside the _Ebon Hawk_. "Now Kira," Atton spoke carefully as if he expected Kira's head to pop of her shoulders and start spinning 360 degrees. "Why don't you tell us about this dream."

"I had a dream!" Kira gushed, "The _Ebon Hawk _blew up and all of us died and now that we've escaped, death will stalk us all until one by one we're dead! And for some reason there were also pink elephants."

As one unit the crew blinked at her.

"Kira," Mira started carefully. "The ship isn't going to blow up, it's right there." She gestured toward the _Hawk_ and as everyone turned to look, a small cute looking gizka hopped onto the ship.

"Deet dweeep droot?" T3 asked, his little mechanical voice expressing confusion.

"Translation: The tin can wishes to know if that gizka is ticking?"

"Of course not, that's ridiculous," Atton scoffed and ran up to get the gizka as it hopped into the _Hawk_. Three seconds later the ship blew up, the fire ball that scorched the trees being visible from space.

"Oh my God," Kira screamed hysterically. "Death killed Atton!"

"You bastard!" Mira raged.

"Oh what horror," Mical moaned.

"I know," Kreia intoned solemnly. "Now who will pilot the ship we don't have?"

"And now," Kira wailed pitifully. "Death will stalk our every move, furious that we have escaped and those of us who got of the ship are still going to ..." At that point a large elephant foot landed on Kira's head, cutting off her words forever.

"Confused Query: Why am I suddenly pink?"

"Well," Boa Dur said philosophically. "It was bound to happen sooner or later."

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As taken from the novels by Terry Pratchett and his Discworld series, five exclamation points is the sign of a seriously deranged mind. I also do not own any of Terry Pratchett's novels.  



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